Your Husband: NOT a Mind Reader

10 Aug

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I’ve been hearing from wives about how they are unhappy with one aspect of their marriage or another, their expectations aren’t being met in a part of their relationship.  Sometimes its a big thing; ‘I don’t feel loved because my husband isn’t speaking my love language.’  Usually its a little thing: ‘I wish my hubby would change the laundry around when he knows it needs done, it would save me a few minutes.’  Here’s what I am suggesting.  You need to talk about it.  We women like to ‘feel’ things, and then get emotional about them, complain to someone or think about it over and over and over.

You need to talk, nothing is going to change if you don’t talk about it.  Not yell, not be passive aggressive, talk (wow, that hurts a little, please know I am talking to myself too).  If we are unhappy with something in our relationship we need to take the chance, have an honest conversation and find out where our hubby is coming from.  It’s awkward to be that honest and real, but if we can’t talk about these things with our husbands we definitely shouldn’t be discussing them with our girlfriends because we’re upset.

Before you talk:

  • PRAY
  1. Pray that God will give you the right words, not necessarily the ones you want to say.
  2. Pray that your husband will have an open mind to whatever you have to say.
  3. Pray that you will say the words with a right spirit, no judging or anger.
  • Then, set up a time to have a conversation, don’t interrupt the Olympics or a football game to have a serious conversation.  You’ll both end up frustrated.  Say something like, “Hey hon, I need to talk to you tonight after the kids go to bed, can we work that in?”

When you talk:

  • State your concerns (easier said than done)
  • Use I statements not You statements (once again easier said than done)
  • Listen when you husband is responding, don’t start formulating your next response.

Now, if you read this and thought, ‘wow, she must be a great communicator’ you are, sadly mistaken.  I KNOW the right things to do, but find them terribly difficult to do.

My main point is, if there is something in your relationship you are unhappy about, talk about it, don’t just sit there and assume he knows how you feel, or that time will fix it.  It won’t and unless you bring it up he probably doesn’t even realize the laundry needs changed.

*The points I give are from the marriage classes we have taken and my “take away” from those, they are what work for me (at least when I follow them).  Do you have any other suggestions?

3 Responses to “Your Husband: NOT a Mind Reader”

  1. Elizabeth@Warrior Wives August 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm #

    You’re so right that we shouldn’t allow ourselves to become bitter because our husband hasn’t read our minds and talking it out is a must. I would also add that it’s probably good if you work on good communication in general. Spend time talking about good things, and make sure there’s lots of encouragement and praise. Otherwise, when you only set aside time to have these talks about stuff that’s bothering you, it can feel like an attack to him

    • Valerie August 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm #

      That is a good point to make sure you have positive communication often. Thanks for commenting :)

  2. Jessica O'Ferrell June 7, 2014 at 7:44 pm #

    This is refreshing knowing that the vulnerability I feel every single time I’m intimate with my husband is shared by another. I love him with all my heart and soul and I long to know (even though he tells me) that I’m enough for him. I’ve recently discovered his use of porn and now im even more embarrassed. I once was a “hottie” but soon after we were married my flaws were brought to my attention. I don’t think he meant to hurt me but I can’t forget the words even though yrs have passed. We’ve been married 14 yrs this month and I just want to feel comfortable and enjoy him. The discovery of the porn has made it worse for me. How can I get to a place in my heart to accept the aging process and to just enjoy loving and being loved.

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