Last week, Gerad and I had a chance to get away and on the drive home (3 hours or so) we chatted about life, the kids etc. Gerad asked me a question that I really had to think about, he had to be vulnerable to ask me the question and yet I’ve still done nothing to remedy the problem. He asked me why I don’t compliment him more, and it was not in a I’m fishing for a compliment way, but a “am I still the one for you way?” See, my love language is time, and Gerad’s is words of affirmation, something very low on my list. I’m not filling his “love tank.”
And that was a week ago, I’ve been so busy selfish I haven’t taken the conversation we had to heart, I haven’t respected him. Sure it’s a little thing and he knows I love him, but it’s one of those things I think we as wives can let go, (as you can see, I have) because it seems so insignificant to us. It’s not insignificant, it’s our husband, the man we pledged our life to, the one we said we’d respect and cherish. If I don’t fill his “love tank” and let him know what he means to me then how can he feel respect from me in any other area. Yesterday, I heard Emerson Eggerichs on the radio, he was talking about loving and respecting our husbands and he said,
No husband feels fond feelings of love and affection in his heart toward a wife he thinks despises who he is as a human being.
When I heard that, it hit my between the eyes like a two by four, sure it’s not my love language to give lots of words of affirmation, but it is my hubby’s. If I don’t fill his love tank with what he needs how is he to know that I do not despise him, but actually love him?
This is what I am working on as a wife, being intentional about the things I say to Gerad, I often say things that don’t matter at all, and then forget to tell him how much I love and adore him because he is who God created him to be. What are you working on as a wife?
Sharing with: Marital Oneness Mondays, Titus 2esdays, The Better Mom, Wifey Wednesday, and Women Living Well
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Yeah, the Love and Respect book/DVD/material is extremely convicting. We’ve been through the DVD curriculum twice now and I think we would both say it has made the most difference in our marriage (besides you know, the Bible). I would tell you to pray about the complimenting thing…if it doesn’t come from the heart, it won’t stick. And I know that when I’ve started praying for the heart for whatever I’m working on, it usually eventually comes.
I have been praying about it, it was one of those things where I had formulated a post in my head about complimenting our husbands and God said, “wait a minute” :) Gerad and I talked about it and he’s much more understanding than I think he needs to be, but I am so thankful for the grace he offers me as I grow in this area. I think I need to read the book again, time to get it out :)
Hmmm…I think that just happened to me recently too. Dave actually told me, “You’re writing all this good stuff on your blog about marriage but…” So yes, been there. Writing a marriage blog is definitely a form of accountability because I really don’t want to be a hypocrite!
Words of affirmation is my love language need, too, so let me inform you that it is extremely important for people like us to hear the words frequently throughout the day. We are more likely to fish for compliments because we need them. There is peace, love, worthiness, and security in words of affirmation from our loved ones.