Ok, ladies. Hopefully I’m not the only one who has felt this way before…
Your hubby decides to “pursue” you. You move into the bedroom and instantly you get uncomfortable. The lights are on, and suddenly you are very aware of every curve of your body and the stretch marks from your kiddos (maybe that’s just me) and no matter what your hubby says it doesn’t matter. You remain self-conscious. You don’t want to be this vulnerable.
Maybe you could turn the lights down, light a few candles, set the mood. Do something, anything, so he doesn’t have to stare at your naked body.*
Here’s what I’ve discovered. When I tell Gerad “let’s talk” or “I really need to talk to you” or “It’s been a crazy day here, can I just talk it out?” he knows I am “pursuing” him not sexually but emotionally. I talk and he can listen comfortably, but the minute I want Gerad to communicate in a deeper way he becomes like I do in the bedroom, self-conscious, uncomfortable. He doesn’t want to be this vulnerable.
When we were first married I longed for Gerad to pour his heart out to me, about anything and everything. I wanted to have long conversations with him like we did when we were dating (looking back I talked A LOT!) I’ve learned there are things I can do to help deepen our communication, setting the mood emotionally.
When Gerad opens up to me during a conversation and really lays it out there, I must STOP talking. I have to listen, and really listen, no more formulating what I’m going to say in response to what he’s saying. He’s not one of my girlfriends, he doesn’t need me babying him through the situation. He needs me to be his wife, caring and loving, listening to what he is saying, then talking.
I need to make sure he knows I am worthy of his trust. He needs to know whatever he decides to say to me, is going no where. Whatever he says is safe with me, however big or small it is; I will act lovingly, even if it hurts my feelings.
He also needs to know I am his biggest cheerleader. I will back the decisions he makes, I will rejoice in his successes and I will encourage him through tough times.
So, to sum it up
- STOP TALKING
- Live worthy of his trust
- Be his cheerleader
Do you have any other ways to “set the mood emotionally?”*I don’t believe our relationship should be like that all the time. There are times where we are more self-conscious and would like a little mood lighting, but we should also allow our hubbies the chance to see the beautiful woman God gave to him. Linked to Time Warp Wife Titus 2sday, Women Living Well Wednesdays, To Love, Honor and Vacuum Wifey Wednesdays, The Alabaster Jar and The Better Mom